Grand Theft Justin.

This week some hoodlums broke into my house and stole a bunch of stuff that I don't care about. Actually I cared about the 4 seasons worth of West Wing DVD's they took, and also about the Seinfeld box set my sister got me for my birthday. But I didn't really care about any of the others anymore. And apparently they don't care about black and white movies, because those were the discs they left behind. They also took a Playstation 2 that I never played, and about 6 bucks worth of laundry quarters that I had in a drawer. They left behind all the expensive computer equipment, probably because they didn't know what it was. Nice job, idiots. Or perhaps they just wanted to snag some stuff they could move quickly in order to score some quick cash to buy drugs, in which case: well done. Anyway, here's quick list of the lame and predictable things that mostly everyone around me felt the need to say once I broke the burglary news:

1) "Well, you live there on that ground floor. I'm surprised it took this long for something like this to happen. I knew it." (Thanks Mom.)

2) "Did you have renter's insurance?" (Of course I didn't.) "Oh, well you know you really should, it's not all that expensive and for something like this it could have really helped." (Thanks, thanks for that. Helpful.)

3) "Don't you feel SO violated? That's really the worst part about it; how violated you feel afterwards." (Well, actually the worst part is that a bunch of stuff I used to own is no longer in my possession and there's nothing I can do about it. Things that were lawfully mine have been unlawfully removed from my place; that's pretty much the long and short of it.)

4) "Well thank God you weren't there. Just imagine what would've happened if you'd been home."

Number 4 is actually a valid point, but not in the way you think. The one thing I keep thinking about is not how violated I feel or how I wish I'd had insurance, but how nice it would have been if I'd been home. The yearning for revenge has been my most recurrent feeling these last few days. Fantasies of catching these guys (girls?) in the act have been passing in and out of my mind several times a day. Would I have enough adrenaline to take out a room full of robbers? Could I actually knock someone out if I had to? What if I put someone's head through a wall or window when they were trying to run away? Could I go to jail for that? What if I killed someone? Can I kill someone? I have to admit, I feel somewhat ashamed. I was unable to protect what was mine (by actually being here or via insurance) and so now I'm left to ponder imaginary scenarios of violent revenge against the perpetrators. I do live right here on the ground floor though. I guess I had it coming.