Sensory Overload

How is anyone in America getting any work done today? I guess not a lot of people have satellite television in their offices like we do here, but I'd think anyone with even a dial-up internet connection would be having trouble. You've got all the tournament madness; Schilling, Sosa, McGwire, Palmeiro, and Canseco testifying before a Congressional Oversight Committee on live television; it's St. Patrick's day; and Bill Simmons is covering the whole thing live on the Page 2 site. I have hard-earned money riding on what happens today in college basketball, but I haven't been able to tune my TV away from these Congressional hearings. I sort of thought it would go down as a ceremonial show of force by Congress. Just a little scare session to say "hey MLB, we allow you to be a monopoly and we're not going to change that, but cut it out with the steroids stuff. We'll be over here keeping an eye on things for the next 8 months." But it is no joke. I just watched a junior democrat from New York take Mark McGwire apart. Big Mac refused to answer questions about his past Andro use, saying he wanted to focus on the positive. This guy fires back "well if you want to focus on the positive I suggest you help us help the game and help the young victims of these designer drugs. May I remind you that the parents of just such a victim are seated DIRECTLY behind you?" Wow. Big Mac just sat there looking down at the table so as not to make eye contact with any of the 400 people in the room who were looking at him at that moment. Another congressman from Minnesota brought up Watergate and Enron just to illustrate to McGwire how serious they were. But there's also the comedy side to it- I mean, it's five famous ball players getting drilled by about 25 high-powered attorneys, including Henry Waxman, who's one of the most senior Democrats in the country. And it's on TV. But besides them ripping into Mac and scaring the shit out of everyone, you also get moments like Waxman asking Schilling if he'd be in favor of Federal legislation to help stem the tide of steroid use in professional baseball. Schilling, half smiling because he has no idea what the hell he's doing there: "uh...sure. ok."

Back to the TV...

More Gym Offenders

This morning we have two new entries into the "People at the Gym Who Annoy Me" hall of fame:

1. The girl on the treadmill who walks slowly and drinks coffee. Hey there, how's your workout coming along? Feeling the burn? Got your blood flowing? How in the name of Christ can it feel good to workout and drink hot coffee. Why even go to the gym? Can we please get some help for this poor woman who's so addicted to caffeine that she actually has to drink coffee while working out? Please?

2. Have you ever found fifty dollars just lying on the street? I did once. I picked it up and just stared at it for about 15 seconds, trying to convince myself that it was actually happening. I know it doesn't seem like much now, but when I was a kid 50 dollars was a large, large amount of money. Anyway, that's kind of how I felt this morning when I noticed a girl walking backwards on a treadmill. I couldn't look away; I had to stare at her continuously just so I could keep confirming in my head what seemed impossible: a girl was walking backwards on a treadmill in front of everyone at the gym. And it was crowded today. Here's to you, backwards treadmill lady. You're warped sense of what constitutes effective excercise is a shining example of just how wayward our diet crazed society has become.