Wandering

Wandering around the web today I came upon one of those completely nonsensical, absurdist sites that just put a spring in your step whenever you discover them. Why I decided to point my browser to Don't Be a Jerk, we may never know. But thank the good lord that I did. What the hell does that picture mean? Why just put that picture at that domain? What is he trying to tell me? I've got to stop trying to figure it out if I'm going to make it outside today. Also, if you're like me you occassionally enjoy wasting your time daydreaming about what you'd name your cool production/graphic design/publishing/clothing/I'm just another asshole company. Long, long ago I stole the name Innocent Bystander from a music publishing company that did Pearl Jam's first record. Then these bastards stole it again before I could put it to good use. At least they put it to good use. Ah well, I figured, at least I still have some other idears up my sleeve. I've always wanted to start an outfit called "LandMind", or some such thing. Years ago I got the idea whilst looking at Garbage Pail Kids online and thought it'd been long enough now that those things have legitimate design credibility.

"Terrific idea", I imagine you're saying. "That's kind of cool." Right. "So-so idea" is what you're actually saying, but that's neither here nor there because this time my idea was stolen by like 19 people ranging from some second-rate art director to a band to ESPN's ad agency, Ground Zero, who opened their own post facility and called it "MindField", which is the plural version of my original phrase. So from now on I'm keeping all my great ideas for names of companies I will never start all to myself so I don't get railroaded again in this fashion. Think of your own ideas. Jerks.

One Last Thing. This month's award for "company name I wish I'd thought of but is being put to better use than I ever could" goes to the ridiculously awesome all things graphic design site YouWorkForThem. The best thing you can ever hope to achieve when communicating is to make a broad, slightly offensive generalization about your audience, directly and boldy to their faces; to do it with resolve and without emotion, and to have them secretly smile and say to themselves "he's right." That's what these guys achieve every time someone logs onto their website. It's genius and I hate them.

Come with me to the minus world

I just found out that Nintendo is coming out with a gameboy centered around the old NES games. They're only offering five or six titles right now, but the keystones are all there: Super Mario Brothers, Zelda, and Excitebike. Do yourself a favor and check out that link I included above. There's screenshots of everything and they even included the themesongs from the games, which seemed innocuous enough until the Excitebike theme started playing. Holy Hell, it was like discovering a love note in one of my old high school yearbooks or something. All of a sudden I was sitting in my friend Dave's room again playing Excitebike and Iceclimber, drinking can after can of new Coke, eating Dorito's and trying to get that ridiculous robot to work with Gyromite. How many hours did I waste in my own room, whispering a made-up incantation designed to heal my stupid Nintendo of whatever was ailing it that afternoon? Not as many hours as I wasted calculating the value of my baseball card collection or wondering how much longer I'd have to wait before girls would take an interest in me, but that's another story (a boring one). Anyway, apparently all this nostalgia can now be in the palm of my hand for a mere $99.

In related news, you've just read a shining example of what happens when I decide to just 'take it easy' on a Friday night. This is why I should always always make plans, even if I don't feel like going out because I've been auditioning for Nic Cage's role in Leaving Las Vegas for the past 6 days. I get home and feel great for the first 90 minutes, then start surfing the net, discover new Gameboys that take me back to my miserable parochial days and ruin my whole evening.