More Gym Offenders

In the running items department, here's two more for our "most annyoing people at the gym" list.

The Guy With the Offensive B.O.
It's not just annoying, it's debilitating. This guy got onto the elliptical machine next to me the other night and I nearly fell off. As my old college buddy Omri used to say: "somebody call HazMat." There's no other machines available and I only have 4 minutes left, so at first I'm just trying to ignore it. Not working. I have to finish this workout, so I adjust my breathing: in the mouth then out the nose, exactly the opposite of how Mr. Miyagi instructs Daniel. I look like I'm hyperventilating, but I can't smell anything so I'm still conscious. Girl to his left gives up and evacuates the area. Meanwhile, I think he's starting to get a little curious about why I keep looking at him out of the corner of my eye. Another girl starts up on the abandoned machine next to him, but leaves within seconds of discovering the problem. I finally finish and step off the rig to get a good look at this guy. Yikes, he's not even sweaty. He's at the beginning of his workout and this is how he smells. Hey buddy, wasn't that weird how three different people all left machines in you immediate vicinity within 4 minutes of your arrival?

The Guy Wearing a Parka
Saw this guy on the same gym trip the other day. Dude decides he'd like to wear a parka while working the weights. Not a warm up jacket or pullover kind of thing, but an actual North Face, down-insulated Everest expedition jacket like the ones you see Green Bay fans wearing during January games at Lambeau. But wait: the thing that throws my set of upright rows into a tailspin is the fact that he's wearing this Michelin man jacket with regular shorts. Just a gigantic black jacket walking around the gym with a pair of white, pasty legs sticking out underneath. My body starts to overheat just looking at this display. Larry David's never around when you need him: "Hey pal, what's...what's the deal with the jacket here?" There ought to be a law.